“Who are you, Lord my God? And who am I?”

One of the stories about St. Francis of Assisi which always stood out to me was when a fellow brother was observing him while he was in prayer, and Francis prayed these very simple but profound words:

“Who are you, Lord my God? And who am I?”

Francis prayed these words because he was starting to get confused about who God was to him, and who he was.

In his early days, Francis Bernadone always stood out being the biggest party animal in town. He was throwing parties almost every night, and he was even known as the King of Song. He was often seen serenading the prettiest girls in Assisi, and his ambition was to become a knight. In modern day context, this would be likened to wanting to join the special forces in the Army, perhaps the Commandos, or the NDU, for recognition.

However, when Francis was going out to battle, the voice of the Lord spoke to him and asked him to return home. He did this, and for awhile, Francis was his old self when he returned home. He was partying all the time and serenading the prettiest girls in Assisi, but after awhile, he found that he did not enjoy such things anymore.

Instead, Francis liked to go into caves, with the hopes of hearing the voice of the Lord speak to him again. He used to look at lepers with disgust, but he found himself doing strange things like embracing the leper!

For awhile, the Francis never heard the voice of the Lord speak to him again, and he needed to ask that question. “Who are you Lord?”

But before he could find the answer to that, he needed to answer the question; “Who am I?”
He needed to know this first, because Francis knew that the way that he encountered God would be different from the way that his brothers encountered God.

I’d like to believe that the way Jesus reaches out to us is unique and personal. This was shown in today’s gospel where he reaches out to Thomas uniquely and personally, telling him to put his hands into the wounds caused by the nails, and to doubt no longer. Jesus reaches out to each of us uniquely, and he loves each and every one of us uniquely.

But in order for Jesus to reach out to us uniquely, we must not be afraid to be ourselves. And in order for us to actually be our most genuine and authentic selves, we need to know who we are. We are all unique and special, but we often don’t remember this.

Throughout his life, God revealed to Francis who he was. He embraced the fact that he was a radical, who thought that it was a good idea to preach the peace of the Gospel to the muslim camps during the crusades. He realised that he an person filled with empathy, who felt with the outcasts of society, like the lepers. He realised that he was someone who rejected materialism and was happy to live simply. He eventually realised his identity to love being with nature, and people always link him to this even tho he was much more than the tree hugger.

Perhaps during this time, while we are stuck at home during the Circuit Breaker, we could challenge ourselves to take this to prayer, and ask the Lord to reveal to us who we are, and what are the things that make us unique. And in doing so, perhaps he will also reveal to us more about who he is to us, and the love that he has for us.