Courage
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." - 1 Corinthians 16:13
A couple of years ago, after resisting many invitations to at least come for the ballot for nearly three years, I finally plucked up the courage to attend a retreat called Awaken. I gave the excuse that I didn't quite like the idea of queuing up from the wee hours of the morning before, just to get a chance to attend the retreat (as it was extremely popular back in the day).
However, I think that God must have planned for me to attend this retreat exactly at that point in my life, in June 2016, where there was an extravagant amount of empty slots, such that I did not even need to physically go down to CSC in Serangoon to submit my forms. Moreover, the timing couldn't have been better as I was in my last six months of National Service, and I was already in "ORD mode". It became quite clear from then on that the Lord was after my soul!
During this retreat, I was put into a group called Courage. My brothers and sisters from Amplify (which is the community which helps to run Awaken) often joke that the name of the group you get, is exactly the virtue that you need. At that point, it never occurred to me that I was lacking in courage, especially with regard to my faith. I was active in Parish Ministry. I was a young catechist and I was still helping the Altar Servers, despite being past the age where most servers stop serving at the sanctuary. And I even had to bear quite an amount of ridiculing about this from people, even those closest to me. I also had (and still have) strong views with regard to matters concerning the Catholic faith, especially concerning the Liturgy and how we ought not to make it about ourselves and our own private interpretations, and I usually was not afraid to make these views heard.
Yet, I did not realise until recently, years after my experience at Awaken, that I am in need of courage in many areas of my life. It came to light this year, when I felt called to start writing this blog. I wrestled with this call for almost two months, fearing that others would see it to be attention seeking. I felt that I needed (and still need) to suppress my ego.
I also recently felt the call to start an online platform to pray the Liturgy of the Hours with my community during the Circuit Breaker, and again I hesitated doing this until last week, fearing that people would not be interested. Sadly, the Liturgy of the Hours is not the most popular form of prayer among Catholics today, despite it being the highest form of prayer outside of the Mass.
Yet, during an online conference hosted by OYP last weekend, I was moved when Fr. Jude David spoke about how fear leads into freedom. Fear is often connected with self preservation, and it is often connected to our own safety. For instance, during this season, fear of contracting the virus and passing it to our loved ones causes us to stay at home, to go out only for essential activities. Fear often tells us about what we are dealing with, and it is not always a bad thing. After all, the scriptures tell us that having a fear of the Lord is the first stage of gaining wisdom.
Fear only becomes a bad thing when we allow it to control us. Fear is healthy when it helps us to know our capabilities, and to assess the risks that we are taking. But fear becomes unhealthy when it causes us to become paralysed, when it causes us to not even want to give things a try.
All of us have fears, especially when it comes to building the kingdom of God. These fears are very real, and I think it's no secret that I too am struggling with such fears. The fear of being despised and rejected by mankind. The fear of failing. The fear of looking like a fool. The Lord does not promise us a life without fear. And in a way, I'm glad that he doesn't, because fear often leads to faith. But he does promise to walk the journey with us, every step of the way. As for me, I can safely say that God has never let me down before, at least not yet. And while it's scary to do many of the things that we are called to do, the invitation is to trust, and to let him be our Shepard.
In many ways, fear does lead us to freedom. Because the Catholic understanding of freedom isn't simply getting to do whatever we want. Rather, it is freedom to choose the good from the bad. It's quite like putting a bunch of drugs in front of a drug addict. The drug addict may be free to take the drugs, but he may not be free to not touch the drugs, which may destroy his body. We are called to live in freedom, and our God wants to set us free from our sins and attachments to this world. However, this would require us to have courage.
Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it is the judgment that something else is more important. For instance, the fear of writing this blog did haunt me, but I had to be the one to choose to start it, and to realise that this is more important that the fears that I had. We are called to be courageous, to stand firm, and to cling to the faith that our God walks with us, loves us, and wants the best for us. Will we accept this challenge?
A couple of years ago, after resisting many invitations to at least come for the ballot for nearly three years, I finally plucked up the courage to attend a retreat called Awaken. I gave the excuse that I didn't quite like the idea of queuing up from the wee hours of the morning before, just to get a chance to attend the retreat (as it was extremely popular back in the day).
However, I think that God must have planned for me to attend this retreat exactly at that point in my life, in June 2016, where there was an extravagant amount of empty slots, such that I did not even need to physically go down to CSC in Serangoon to submit my forms. Moreover, the timing couldn't have been better as I was in my last six months of National Service, and I was already in "ORD mode". It became quite clear from then on that the Lord was after my soul!
During this retreat, I was put into a group called Courage. My brothers and sisters from Amplify (which is the community which helps to run Awaken) often joke that the name of the group you get, is exactly the virtue that you need. At that point, it never occurred to me that I was lacking in courage, especially with regard to my faith. I was active in Parish Ministry. I was a young catechist and I was still helping the Altar Servers, despite being past the age where most servers stop serving at the sanctuary. And I even had to bear quite an amount of ridiculing about this from people, even those closest to me. I also had (and still have) strong views with regard to matters concerning the Catholic faith, especially concerning the Liturgy and how we ought not to make it about ourselves and our own private interpretations, and I usually was not afraid to make these views heard.
Yet, I did not realise until recently, years after my experience at Awaken, that I am in need of courage in many areas of my life. It came to light this year, when I felt called to start writing this blog. I wrestled with this call for almost two months, fearing that others would see it to be attention seeking. I felt that I needed (and still need) to suppress my ego.
I also recently felt the call to start an online platform to pray the Liturgy of the Hours with my community during the Circuit Breaker, and again I hesitated doing this until last week, fearing that people would not be interested. Sadly, the Liturgy of the Hours is not the most popular form of prayer among Catholics today, despite it being the highest form of prayer outside of the Mass.
Yet, during an online conference hosted by OYP last weekend, I was moved when Fr. Jude David spoke about how fear leads into freedom. Fear is often connected with self preservation, and it is often connected to our own safety. For instance, during this season, fear of contracting the virus and passing it to our loved ones causes us to stay at home, to go out only for essential activities. Fear often tells us about what we are dealing with, and it is not always a bad thing. After all, the scriptures tell us that having a fear of the Lord is the first stage of gaining wisdom.
Fear only becomes a bad thing when we allow it to control us. Fear is healthy when it helps us to know our capabilities, and to assess the risks that we are taking. But fear becomes unhealthy when it causes us to become paralysed, when it causes us to not even want to give things a try.
All of us have fears, especially when it comes to building the kingdom of God. These fears are very real, and I think it's no secret that I too am struggling with such fears. The fear of being despised and rejected by mankind. The fear of failing. The fear of looking like a fool. The Lord does not promise us a life without fear. And in a way, I'm glad that he doesn't, because fear often leads to faith. But he does promise to walk the journey with us, every step of the way. As for me, I can safely say that God has never let me down before, at least not yet. And while it's scary to do many of the things that we are called to do, the invitation is to trust, and to let him be our Shepard.
In many ways, fear does lead us to freedom. Because the Catholic understanding of freedom isn't simply getting to do whatever we want. Rather, it is freedom to choose the good from the bad. It's quite like putting a bunch of drugs in front of a drug addict. The drug addict may be free to take the drugs, but he may not be free to not touch the drugs, which may destroy his body. We are called to live in freedom, and our God wants to set us free from our sins and attachments to this world. However, this would require us to have courage.
Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it is the judgment that something else is more important. For instance, the fear of writing this blog did haunt me, but I had to be the one to choose to start it, and to realise that this is more important that the fears that I had. We are called to be courageous, to stand firm, and to cling to the faith that our God walks with us, loves us, and wants the best for us. Will we accept this challenge?
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