3 Things I want for my Funeral Mass

In my days as an Altar Server, I've served at quite a number of Wedding and Funeral liturgies. In fact, up till this day, I still occasionally go back to serve at such liturgies when the need arises. More for funerals actually, because the current generation of servers are generally in school when Funeral Masses take place.   And more often than not, when I somehow get involved with the planning of the Funeral Liturgy with the family of the deceased, the question that often comes up would be if the deceased would have wanted certain things done in a certain way for their funeral. I find that it often leaves the family of the deceased with an additional burden as to how to best say goodbye to their loved one. 

In light of this, I have decided that on this day, the second day of November, where the Church commemorates our loved ones who have gone before us, I want to make it clear that there are certain things that I want, and do not want to happen at my Funeral Mass. Fortunately, I have this blog to do so, not just for my family, but for all those who read my weekly musings and reflections. 

It may seem like an act of vanity and self-righteousness. Perhaps it is. I want to put out there that this is not the intent of this week's musing. I want you to know, my dear reader, that what I write today is merely a means for me to put it out there on how I feel we ought to be praying as faithful people when our loved one passes away. Hopefully, it will move you to leave similar instructions for your funeral Mass. So without further ado, here's what I want and do not want for my Funeral Mass: 

1. Do not make it about me 

I've mentioned many times in my former musings that the Liturgy is never about us, and a funeral liturgy is no exception. My funeral Mass is not a celebration of the good things that I would have done in my life. If at all, it's a celebration of my Baptism and of my life with Christ. But more importantly, it's a celebration of the Mystery of Christ. The Passion, the Death, and the Resurrection. 

I do not wish for the readings to be chosen based on what I'd like, nor would I want for the hymns at the Funeral Mass to just be my favourite hymns. They should be chosen in accordance to what Mother Church would deem as appropriate. As much as I'd like very much for Beautiful God (an original composition by John Lum) to be sung at my funeral Mass, if it's inappropriate to the Funeral Liturgy, it should not be sung there. It can be sung as the machine slowly pushes the casket in at Mandai Crematorium, or at the Wake. 

It is not my wish for God to be robbed of his rightful thunder at my Funeral Mass. My funeral liturgy does not belong to me, or to my family. It belongs to God and to Mother Church. 

2. Do not allow my family members or those who are grieving to proclaim the readings

More often than not, Priests who plan the funeral liturgy with the family of the deceased would ask for the family members to proclaim the readings at the Funeral Mass. Of course, this is done out of good intention to be pastoral to the family, and I can more than understand the reason why Priests feel that it's important to get the family involved. However, as much as my father is an excellent communications coach, if he were asked to proclaim the readings at my Funeral Mass (should I go before him, which I sure hope not!), I'm not too sure if he'd be able to contain his emotions. Even if he is, he wouldn't be the best person to proclaim the readings at my Funeral Mass, and neither would my mother, my siblings, or any of those who are close to me. 

In my musing on the Table of the Word a few months ago, I quoted the GIRM, where it states that when the scriptures are read at the Liturgy, God himself speaks to his people. The scripture readings at the Funeral Liturgy are meant to be spoken to us, the ones who are grieving. They are meant to be a source of truth and dare I say, even comfort to the family of the deceased, and they would be best proclaimed by the Parish Lectors, who should be trained to give due reverence to the word of God. I'd much rather for my family to listen to the Word of God, and to draw strength from the Word. And above that, I would want for due reverence to be given to the Word of God. 

3. Do not do a eulogy at the Funeral Mass

Like I mentioned at the start of this musing, my funeral Mass is not about me. Do not make it about me, or about the good things I've done in my life. This can be done at the Wake, or even at Mandai Crematorium. The problem with allowing for a Eulogy within a Funeral Mass is that more often than not, the eulogy sings the praises of the legacy left behind by the deceased, rather than the praises of God. I've been to Funeral Masses where those who attended were more touched by the Eulogy rather than by the Word of God, or the Mystery of Christ that was celebrated. Like I said, it is not my wish for God to be robbed of his thunder, or for the Liturgy to be abused at my Funeral Mass. 

Furthermore, because of how poorly catechised we Catholics are, allowing for a Eulogy within the Funeral Mass presents a very real danger of making the Funeral Mass as good as the Canonisation of the person lying in the casket. This is especially so when the person delivering the Eulogy declares with conviction that their loved one is now in heaven. As much as that may be what we believe, and as much as we should do our best to be pastoral to those who are grieving, we cannot and should not downplay the doctrine of purgatory, which is a very merciful teaching that we Catholics don't appreciate fully. I doubt that I'll ever officially be canonised as a Saint by the Church, but if that happens, let's leave it to the relevant authorities. It is not my wish for the teachings of Mother Church to be compromised on account of my Funeral Mass. 

I know that I'm going to risk offending more than a few people with what I wrote today, especially those who have proclaimed the readings at the funeral of their loved ones, and those who have delivered eulogies at their loved one's Funeral Mass. I want to assure you, my dear reader, that this is not my intent. I know that my friends who have done such things at the Funeral Liturgy in the past probably did so out of poor guidance, or out of poor catechises. I'm certain that if this musing had been written before the passing of their loved ones, they would probably not have done the things that they did. However, we need to remember that the Christian Faith which we profess is not about us, or about what we think to be right. And this is where we need to be obedient to what Mother Church has to say, especially on matters where we struggle to agree. 

At the end of the day, all I'm asking for is for my Funeral Mass to be celebrated in accordance with how Mother Church intends for the funeral liturgy to be celebrated. And I want this done, so that others may encounter the love of Christ through the funeral liturgy, rather than make it about me. And if I'm misunderstood for this, perhaps this is my cross to carry till the last nail is nailed on my coffin.