To Couples about to get married... your wedding day is not about you.

The year 2020 has indeed been a rather interesting year for all of us. In the midst of the world fighting the battle against the COVID-19 Pandemic, it seems that many couples have gotten engaged this year. I must say that I for one am glad that this is happening. In a world where darkness seems to be getting the upper hand, where fear and uncertainty still lurks among us, it's heartening to know that the power of love is still very much present during this difficult time. It's even more exhilarating to know that many of these couples are Catholic, and have made the decision to be a sacrament of God's love in the world. 

However, as much as we should praise and thank God for the gift of more vocations to the Married Life, it's no secret that more than a few Catholic couples enter into the covenant of Matrimony without first understanding a very fundamental principle, which applies not just to the Sacrament of Matrimony, but to the Christian Faith as a whole. It is not about us. A couple's wedding day is certainly not about them. The Wedding Mass is not a place for the couple to make it a show about themselves, about how they met, or even about how God may have brought them together, especially if it takes the attention away from the Mystery of Christ being celebrated at the Mass. In fact, the Wedding Mass is not a private celebration, because there really is no such thing as a private liturgy. 

It's unfortunate that because of how secular our world has become, many couples are encouraged to make their Wedding Day all about themselves. Let me cite some examples. There are couples who want their pet dogs to be their ring bearers. There are couples who insist on having secular songs within the Wedding Mass. And as the most common example of all, there are couples who choose to hold the Wedding Mass in a parish which is not the parish where they normally celebrate the Sacraments. 

Of course, many of such couples have practical reasons as to why they choose not to hold the Wedding Mass in their parish, and I am in no way attempting to pass judgment on couples who do as such. For some instances, the parish may have been under renovation, and there would have been nowhere to hold the reception afterwards if they had celebrated the Mass in their parish. Some couples do not worship at the same parish, and the wedding is held at either the Bride's parish or the Groom's parish. These are all practical concerns. 

However, there are couples who choose to get married at a parish where they do not normally worship, solely for the sake of capturing the grandeur of the occasion. The superb architecture of some Churches allows for the couple and their guests to simply be inspired with the awe. It also allows for beautiful pictures to be taken. While I am in no way attempting to judge the hearts of such couples, I cannot help but notice that perhaps their intentions may be misplaced here. Surely, a couple's wedding day is more than just celebrating it at a beautiful Church for the sake of being able to take nice photographs. Shouldn't it be celebrated with their community in their parishes, at the place where they grew up and intend to raise their family? 

We need to understand that the liturgy and the sacraments are never about us. We should not be having the mentality that a couple's wedding day is their day, and that the Church should not enforce certain rules. Every Mass is about the Mystery of Christ being celebrated. The Passion, the Death, and the Resurrection. When couples decide to get married in the Catholic Faith, they are in fact telling the world that they are choosing not to conform to it's ways of secularism. They are making the choice to be part of the life of the Church, to be part of something that's bigger than themselves and their love story. They are making a choice to be a sign (sacrament) of God's love in the world. And it's because of this choice that the couple makes that it ought to be celebrated with the highest form of worship, the celebration of the Eucharist. It is not about the couple. 

When we don't get this right, that our wedding days aren't about us, there is a very real danger that this mentality could be carried into the marriage. The world is also experiencing a high volume of divorces, and as much as the Catholic Church does not allow for divorce, many couples are unhappy in their marriages precisely because it's all about the self, rather than the other. The vocation of marriage, and in fact any vocation, calls for one to die to himself or herself, to always choose what is best for the sake of the kingdom of God. 

I know that this musing is going to offend more than a few people, especially those who have done certain things that ought not to have been done on their wedding day. I'm not saying that there should not be any emphasis on the couple on their wedding day. I do feel however, that there's a time and place for everything, and the celebration of the Eucharist is not the place this. If at all, the celebration of the couple per se can be done at the reception or at the wedding dinner. But even then, we need to remember that it is not solely about the couple. It is about their yes to God and his plan for them, their yes to be a witness to his love in the world through the sacrament. When we don't do this, we fail to support them in their true vocation, the vocation that God has called them to.