A "Happy" life may not be for us Christians

 Let's be honest. All of us seek happiness. The world encourages us to do so. In fact, for many of us, as we get older, we care less about what others think. We buy into the mentality that those who mind don't matter and that those who matter don't mind. I must admit, I personally buy into that mindset. 

It's true that self-care is important, and that we should seek to be happy. It's also true that those who are our true friends will support us in every decision that we make, even if it means giving us the space to allow us to live and learn. However, I do wonder if whether or not, in the pursuit of personal happiness, we might be compromising on the message of the gospel. 

The problem with many of us is that in our pursuit of happiness, while we are right to say that we should not care too much about what others have to say (as we live in a world where no matter what we do, there'll always be somebody with something to say), but we sometimes can get a little carried away in this mentality. For more than a few of us, myself included, we tend to not care at all about how we may hurt others, or who we may hurt along the way, so long as we are happy. We tend to forget that there are people who care about us more than we think they do, and that our decisions may hurt them in the long run. 

Let me cite some examples. When it comes to making an important decision for our careers, such as whether or not to take up an overseas posting at work, or whether to migrate to another country, more than a few of us fail to take into account how our loved ones may feel. We may ask for their opinion, certainly, but we only do so as a formality. What matters to us more than anything is what we have to gain from going. It does not matter to us that our loved ones may be getting on in their years, or that they may not have long to live as they may have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Our concern is whether or not this would be good for our careers, and whether or not it would bring us financial stability. Our filial piety takes a back seat. 

For some of us who are married, when married life becomes difficult, we don't think of how our children may feel. Some couples engage in screaming matches, when their children are around. Some husbands physically assault their wives, in front of their children. Some wives verbally abuse their husbands in front of their children. It becomes all about the self in the marriage, even though the two are supposed to be united as one. It's all about making my point, and winning the argument for my sake, rather than how to resolve the inevitable problems that we encounter as husband and wife. Some couples even choose divorce as a solution, as they feel that there is no point in continuing the marriage if both of them are so unhappy. While I am certainly not trying to pass judgment on such couples (as there are always two sides to a coin, and more often than not, there are problems which involve abuse or infidelity when it comes to the sensitive topic of divorce), I can't help but wonder if they have considered what would be best for their children and their loved ones. Did they try hard enough to resolve their issues as a couple? Were they willing to make compromises for one another in their marriage? Did they remember their wedding vows and the promises made to each other and to God? Did they even consider how they may have made their partner or their children feel by hurling insults or raising their arms? 

There are also some who treat other human beings like objects, and use their relationships only for transactional purposes. Once the other has become of little use to us, we choose to dispose of them and cut them off from our lives. Some of us do this to even our closest friends. We give the excuse that we are busy, or we simply ignore them. Again, while I'm not attempting to pass judgment on anybody here, I can't help but notice that such people might be behaving in a rather selfish manner. It becomes all about my comfort, and my convenience. We don't stop to think about the friends who push us out of our comfort zones, or the friends who may infuriate us, and the fact that such friends may care about us deeply too. For some, when our friends do something to upset us, we choose to have a cold war rather than communicating, and we don't realise how our silent treatment hurts the other who may or may not know what he or she did to deserve the cold shoulder. Is it really all about ourselves? 

I sincerely hope that nobody here misunderstands what I'm trying to say here. I'm not saying that we should not be concerned with our personal need for happiness, or that we should allow for toxic people to remain in our lives. I am also not saying that it's wrong to walk out of our relationships if we have been subject to abuse. However, I do feel that there's a difference between caring for ourselves, and being selfish. 

As Christians, we must know that our lives are not solely about us. Our lives as disciples aren't just about the joys of discipleship. As much as that is a part of discipleship, the gospel also demands that we live our lives for others. More often than not, this requires us to embrace our crosses, and to carry them. 

Jesus himself did this throughout his life. When relationships became difficult, and when he was abused, he chose to love the ones who hurt him, rather than cutting them off. He also chose to love the ones who loved him, even when he was misunderstood by them, or hurt by their actions. His personal need for happiness was not his main priority. 

By virtue of our baptism, we are called to be Christ to others. Let us then, not make our personal need for happiness our priority. Let us live our lives by the way of the Cross.